We’re highly suspicious that Regina Hall is turning 50 years old, mostly because we have eyes.
But it’s true, and to prove that she actually ages, the Black Monday and Scary Movie star wrote the greatest song to ever be sung about turning 50, and edited a whole music video for it.
The deeply catchy song begins, “A bitch is old today. I passed half my life expectan-cay.” Cut to Hall meditating barefoot on a pile of rocks and singing about how she’s still got “good puss-ay.” The song is inclusive, with shoutouts to bitches young and old, pretty and not so pretty.
Hall is joined in the video by friends Zoe Terakes, Kath Ebbs, Grace Van Patten, and Tiffany Boone doing the sorts of things you’d absolutely imagine Regina Hall to be doing on her birthday: drinking rosé, bouncing on a trampoline in a tank top that says “FIT HAPPENS,” and hanging out looking hot in the pool.
But Hall cuts hilariously to all kinds of old people shit, from casually fiddling with her thermostat to running the tap so she can take her pills. In the director’s commentary/liner notes/Instagram caption, Hall writes, “Because laughter keeps you forever young I wrote a special song for a special Birthday.” So she wrote it for a joke, but it’s been stuck in our heads for an hour. That’s Grammy behavior.